Again, your kind words have touched our hearts today. All throughout the day I would sit and read your comments, emails and messages and it brought solace. I just feel so empty…like I could never laugh or have fun again and I know I’ll never be the same again. I actually did take pictures of my food today though..it felt good to do something “normal” (how normal is taking pictures of your food?!) and I ate more than yesterday.
Breakfast was oatmeal….1/2 cup oats with 1/2 cup coconut milk, 1/2 cup water, 1 banana, 1 tbsp flax and raw almond butter
It felt good and strange at the same time to eat oats again. When was the last time I had oats? Yesterday? Last week? Last year? It feels like an eternity.
Lunch was leftovers, obviously. Thank God someone brought over the largest bucket of hummus I’ve ever seen. Seriously, it was an 8 lb bucket. And good salad. With greens, blue cheese, candied walnuts and dried cranberries.
You all are going to get mad, but I ran today. I couldn’t help it. I needed it more than anything. My uncle is a marathon runner and just having him in the house talking to me about my future race and training made me NEED to get out there. I think I’ve rested for 2 1/2 weeks now? Regardless, I just did 20 minutes on the treadmill upstairs and felt no pain in my shins although I don’t think I would have cared if I did. My uncle was like, “you want to run 10 miles tomorrow?” and I’m like “uhhhhhhh I wish!”
After I ran I ate a fruit leather and greeted more of John’s friends, who have been stopping by all day. Such amazing friends. All those boys just wrapped my mom and I in their arms and sobbed with us. They loved John so so so much and we all laughed and cried for hours talking about funny memories and the good times.
Dinner was cold salmon, macaroni and cheese and more salad with hummus. I also had a glass of red wine.
And I’ve had not one, not two but THREE of these cookies today. They are “mini” chocolate chip but, seriously, the best chocolate chip cookie I’ve ever had! I don’t know what made them so good but everyone else said they were the best they have ever tasted too. The whole bag of them is now gone and I’m glad!
I’m with Ryan and Dexter right now. I’m not tired but am going to try to sleep. Tomorrow we have more family coming in town and we are meeting with the church for the memorial service, which will be Wednesday afternoon. John is being cremated and we are scattering his ashes at his favorite surf spot in Vero Beach, FL in about three weeks. Wednesday will just be a celebration of his life with all those close to us.
Thank you all again for your thoughts, prayers and comments. That, and reading John’s facebook wall where all his friends are writing in to him, has kept me going today. My family thanks you from the bottom of our hearts. May God be with you all.